Love isn’t all that we hear in the fairy tales, and it seems an injustice that our culture is largely led to believe this. The ugly truth is that Love encompasses many parts: the “good,” the “bad,” the “beautiful,” and the “ugly,” which make up the whole. Some parts may feel more comfortable than others, and yet, it is impossible to have some without the others. Leaning in happens when we cease clinging to the comfort of what feels familiar, and instead sit in the discomfort of what feels unfamiliar.
“A life worth living is one we’re not avoiding.” ~Ryan Kennedy
1. BE IN Relationship
Many of us are led to believe that a healthy relationship is one where there are no problems or challenges. The ugly truth is that all relationships do, and will have problems and challenges. No matter who we are in relationship with, our significant others will without a doubt challenge us in places we want to resist. A healthy relationship is one that involves intentional engagement in working with the problems and challenges and finding good enough solutions, as opposed to avoiding them, or playing out old patterns that cause disengagement. BEing IN
relationship constitutes: participating and engaging in the process of working with problems and challenges that arise; exercising a “g
ood enough” version of truthfulness and honesty with others and self; and leaning into the discomfort of all of these things.
2. Veracity with Others and Ourselves
Many difficulties in life can stem from hurts and fears of the past. When we choose to address these hurts through avoidance: denying, intellectualizing, and/or projecting them onto others, we continue to be disengaged and disappointed. Not having the ability to be truthful with others and/or ourselves sets up situations that make healthy functioning relationships impossible.
“The more we can see, the easier it is to forgive.”
~ Deepak Chopra
Being truthful with others and ourselves may expose our imperfections and deepest fears, but finding a way through the places we resist exposes a light that shines brighter than the sun and brings us closer to others, our truest self and real Love.