3 Ways to Integrate Wholeness
As human beings we have many parts to us. The “good,” the “bad,” the “beautiful,” and the “ugly.” None of these parts are good, bad, beautiful, or ugly. They just are. Our relationship with, and to them is what paints our inner and outer landscape of what is perceived as real, and therefore becomes our reality. When we resist or merge with the parts of us that make up our perceived inner and/or outer landscape, we become blind to and/or estranged from the truth of ourselves and others that makes us whole. It takes the reckoning and daring to Love all of these parts to create an authentic connection internally and externally, which then leads to the possibility of integrating greater wholeness and cultivating real Love.
1. Own Our Disowned Parts
“It’s easier to work on loving our whole self, than to work on making our whole self lovable.” ~ LC
It’s odd that we are here on earth to be human, yet so much of what makes us human is shamed. As a result we turn away from ourselves and disown the very things that make us human: our gender, class, race, sexuality, struggles and challenges – our “imperfections” and “inadequacies.” It is natural to judge these parts of ourselves and instead attempt to avoid them in the ways we do. We do this out of survival, for we fear that these parts of ourselves will create separation, abandonment, and/or rejection. Unfortunately, these fears have shown up to be a true experience for many. The conundrum is that in continuing to judge these parts internally and externally, we inevitably create the separation we fear. Owning these parts brings us into greater wholeness with others and ourselves.
2. Embrace Vulnerability
“Vulnerability is the only bridge to build connection.”
~ Deepak Chopra
~ Deepak Chopra
Being vulnerable, connecting, and fully engaging in life can be quite scary for many of us – even more so for those that have been deeply hurt in the past. The tenderness and rawness of being vulnerable can make us bristle in terror, hide in a shell or flat out run for the hills. Any cause for vulnerability threatens us into coming in contact with the most wretched vulnerability of all: our very own human frailty and “flawed” nature; the things we don’t want to see, and the feelings we don’t to feel. This might explain why some of the world’s most hurting people go to extreme lengths not to come into contact with that vulnerability. The ugly truth for us as human beings is that pain is inevitable. However, the hope is that suffering can be optional.
3. Tend to the Child Within Us
Throughout our formative years we adopt inner working models of what we can expect from our environment based from what was modeled for us as children in our relationships with our caregivers. These inner working models carry narratives from that child’s experience. The general question that is couched within these narratives is, “Is the world safe, and can people be trusted?” If the answer is largely “yes,” then we might generally expect that things will go well within the land of the “good,” the “bad,” the “beautiful,” and the “ugly.” If the answer is largely, “no,” than we might generally expect that things will not go well in the land of the “good,” the “bad,” the “beautiful,” and the “ugly.”. Tending to the child within us can help foster new narratives that can create new experiences and integrate greater wholeness.